Zachary FenellSaturday Boners: The Avengers
February 7th 2009 18:04
The Avengers, 1998
It was the husband's idea to subject us to this film. He's still in the doghouse.
If you recall the original Avengers series from the 1960s, you'll remember what made it so amazing. The mod fashion sense of Mrs. Peel was second in awesome only to carrying out her missions with prim and proper amounts of kick-a**. Steed's charm was based in his cool and calculated debonair skill in solving the case and overcoming the bad guy. The romantic tension between Mrs. Peel and Steed was only successful because (as far as I or anyone I know remembers) they never even kissed. The message that I got from what bits of the original I've seen are based on the idea that you can put the whoop-down on the bad guys and save the world, but you don't have to compromise your principles to do it.
I'm told that Ray Feines (as Steed) and a number of the other members of the cast were so embarrassed by this fiasco that they only speak about it in hushed tones once they're sure that the true fans with torches and pitchforks have passed by their hiding place.
Let's really think about what truly went wrong here. First, I don't think any of the cast saw a single episode of the original television series. As much as I love Uma Thurman, casting her was possibly the dumbest move because, frankly, she's not a proper-yet-liberated British lady. She's a tom-boy-makes-good-with-makeu p. But her collapse on "getting" her character is nothing compared to Ray Feines as Steed - so, is he a sexual predator, or is he a junior operative, or is he a thug in Trubshaw's clothing? And don't even get me started on Mother and Father...
Were they trying to make a parody and missed even that? And what the heck was the deal with the teddy bears?!? That whole thing was just an excuse to use one lame line. Seriously. And Emma Peel's wardrobe was... well, there was one good outfit, and the rest was just a warm-up for Kill Bill, but not in a good way.
Not even the presence of Sean Connery could pull this one out of the toilet, although he was the only one who seemed to believe in his character even a little. When none of the original cast would have anything to do with it, that should have been a clue that they were going to peg the suckiosity gauge.
1.5 Stars
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