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Film Reviewer - Classic, Modern, Obscure, Genre... It All Gets Watched

Film Reviewer - February 2009

I Am Le Sad

February 26th 2009 16:30
I put this off as long as possible, but the time has come for me to make a decision.

I love doing this blog - I really do - but as an aspiring professional writer, I just can't devote a whole lot of time to things that don't generate at least some income. You may or may not know that part of what makes these blogs work for people like me are the Google Ads. The problem, however, is that mine appear to be broken, and no one seems to be willing to help.


I've emailed my "editor" twice and gotten no reply, and I figure that maybe he'll check out these blogs periodically and get in touch with me. Until that happens, though, I've got to put the FilmReviewer on sabbatical.


I'm not planning on dropping it completely - I have so many awesome things yet to share with you - but until it gets resolved, I've just gotta put it aside.



Sorry, guys. I hope to be back soon.
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Wristcutters

February 25th 2009 15:21
Wristcutters
Wristcutters, 2006
This little indie film completely took me by surprise. When I first heard about it, my mind went to about a dozen places where it could be really bad, just one long drawn-out emo joke, but you know me and my sense of morbid fascination... I watched it, and I loved it.


If you've never heard of it, I'm not surprised. (It's available on NetFlix, by the way.) Imagine a plane of existence where everyone who ever died by their own hand has to hang around, living almost exactly the same life they had before, waiting for... something. You still have to get a job, feed yourself, pay for a place to live, but if you die again, that's it. That's the end of it. Maybe.

Now imagine if you offed yourself because of some girl who jilted you, and then you find her there, too, except she didn't off herself because you did: there was something else entirely going on. Or what if you didn't mean to off yourself, it was an accident, but you're stuck in this limbo anyway? You can't smile, hardly anything brings you joy... or does nothing bring you joy because of the personality that got you into this mess in the first place?

I got a kick out of seeing Tom Waits in one of the best roles he's ever had, plus it's got that kid from Saved!. It's smart, it's funny, it's a little disturbing at times (I love the part where they questioned the suicide bomber), and it has absolutely the best “appreciate yourself” morals ever.

As I understand it, this movie was completely ignored by the public, and that's just a darn shame. If you've ever read the short story it was based on, “Kneller's Happy Campers”, you'll enjoy it even more. See if you can remember all the ways that the contributing members of the soundtrack met with their own untimely end! (Quizz answers later in the forum.)

4 Stars
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Hancock

February 24th 2009 16:19
Hancock
Hancock, 2008
It's not fair to judge a movie based on what it could have been, but every now and again, you come across something that shows you the unrealized potential through the sheer absence of substance. It's kinda like walking into the kitchen and looking in the fridge, and you just know that there is supposed to be a flat of eggs right there... You don't assume that your refrigerator is perpetually egg-less. You know that something is missing, and you know what it is - but that doesn't make it any easier to make an omelet.

That's what Hancock is like. I know that a lot of people had some issues with it, and I don't blame them, but knowing just how hobbled Will Smith was in the making of this, the end result is brilliant. It's not like we've never enjoyed movies that suffer from this problem: I still like the story of Star Wars despite the deplorable writing (excepting Empire Strikes Back, which was my favorite AND had the best writing). I enjoyed Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter despite the lack of any sort of real production value. What Hancock was missing was... the rest of the story.

I think.

Thinking back over it, it's sometimes a little hard to put my finger on exactly what the problems with the movie are. The gratuitous "hard living" scenes, the over extended fight scenes, and the weird ham-handed over-statement of powers versus lack of compassion... yeah, those would be it, more or less. I think I also had a pretty serious issue with the blind ignorance of the public reaction.

But if you step to the side of all of that and really look at the story without the "eggs", you have something pretty remarkable and very enjoyable. Hancock is a parable for what each of us has to go through as soon as we recognize our own power or genius. We have to decide if we're going to use our powers for good or not, and just how selfish or selfless we can get away with being before our nature - malicious or benevolent - wins out. I loved the mythological angle, and I adored the play of power between the two of them at the end.

All told, it wasn't a great movie, and I totally agree with Will Smith for getting so pissed off at the studio. I can only hope that he has enough of the cuttings to put together the story that he really wanted to tell (because remaking your own movie? ... yeah, not so great, ask Lucas).

3.5 Stars
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Silent Hill

February 23rd 2009 16:49
Silent Hill
Silent Hill, 2006
Video game movies can be so hit-or-miss... okay, that's not true. They are almost overwhelmingly bad. Titles like Mortal Kombat and Doom and In the Name of the King (that Dungeon Siege movie) really leave us wondering if there can ever be a really good cross-over depiction from console to screen.

It shouldn't be that hard. In a perfect world, the two formats share a lot of the same strengths. Characters are faced with particular challenges, and they grow and transform throughout the unfolding story until they meet the greatest of all challenges and attempt to overcome the odds. The difference is, of course, that video games are interactive, so it's up to you whether the character succeeds or fails. That, and you can always start the level over


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Sunday Classics: Friday the 13th

February 22nd 2009 19:18
Friday the 13th
Friday the 13th, 1980
Last week, I covered Friday the Thirteenth, the reboot of the 1980 classic, Friday the 13th. Let me get this out of the way: Dudes, thank you so much for spelling "13" differently. That lets us differentiate. Seriously.

The Thirteenth got billed in many circles as a total remake of the 13th, but really, it's doing what Superman Returns does: it goes back to the last good movie (in this case, the first one) and starts the whole series over again from there


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Saturday Boners: Boy Eats Girl

February 21st 2009 18:01
Boy Eats Girl
Boy Eats Girl, 2005
Ohgodohgodohgodohgod... what were they thinking?

There was such potential and I had such high hopes. I thought to myself, "Hey, with a title like Boy Eats Girl, they're going out on a limb and there's no possible way they can let this turn into something it shouldn't be. It may be low-budget or indie, but it's gotta be good, right


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Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter

February 20th 2009 16:10
Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter
Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter, 2001
I kid you not, the poster says, "The Power of Christ Impales You."

You just know that it's not going to take itself seriously, just from there


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The Shawshank Redemption

February 19th 2009 17:33
The Shawshank Redemption
The Shawshank Redemption, 1994
Here we are, fifteen years after this film was released, and it is still a stirring and riveting experience. In one of the few Stephen King movies that deals with a different type of horror than the usual bogeyman-supernatural thing - it's the real fear of human experience, and how a few men faced with it respond.

Andy gets sent up to prison on a life sentence for killing his wife and her lover. The thing is, he didn't do it, but upon being in prison and realizing that the hardcore moral lines are not as black-and-white as he thought, he develops certain survival skills in order to cope. He pushes the envelope, does a lot of good, cooks a few books, and sometimes pays a hefty price. And his whole attitude is, even when put in solitary, "What's the worst they can do that they haven't already done


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Brotherhood of the Wolf

February 18th 2009 19:32
Brotherhood of the Wolf
Brotherhood of the Wolf, 2001
Every now and again, you get a special sneak peek into how writers manage to create their art. So often, we envision underfed scrawny fellows in dark rooms, laboring endlessly, agonizing over every word, sustaining themselves on coffee and snack cakes, finally pulling to last page of their life's blood out of the printer, ready for acceptance by the public.

And then again, maybe they just had a neat idea while playing video games


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V for Vendetta

February 17th 2009 20:08
V for Vendetta
V for Vendetta, 2005
I love comic book movies. Even when they're really bad like Daredevil or Ghostrider, I adore the fact that the format gets validated sufficiently to bring brand awareness to a wider audience. That's what happened to Sin City, to the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and to 30 Days of Night. The list goes on and on. (Ask me some time, and I can rattle most if not all of them off. Superman and Batman don't count due to over-exposure.)

But of all of these, the one that I'd like to talk to you about today is V for Vendetta
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The Saw Series

February 16th 2009 21:34
Saw
Saw, 2004
I would not, under normal circumstances, review only part of a story, but I don't mind reviewing a series all at once if they are all part of the same story. (Just wait till you see my Bourne review.) With the Saw series, I wanted to wait until I'd seen V to cover it.

Gore fests and torture porn do not impress me. Blood for the sake of blood can occasionally be... okay, I was about to tell a big fat lie. It's not entertaining at all. Blood, for me at least, is a primal substance that deserves some level of respect, and seeing how much of it (fake or otherwise) you can plaster on walls or what-have-you... just not good times


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Sunday Classics: Legend

February 15th 2009 18:51
Legend
Legend, 1985
Say what you will about Cruise and his special brand of crazy, an actor's personal life should not reflect in his work, and nor should the work be judged with the crazy as an element of it. Look at John Travolta, for instance. I rest my case.

When Legend came out in 1985, it was the equivalent of every fairy tale we ever loved being brought to the screen with all of the dangerous parts intact. Fairy tales that can't hurt us also can't teach us a lesson. If you know that there is no chance of the hero dying, what have you got to lose? Only through the threat of real and visceral loss do tales like Vasalisa or Hansel and Gretel make a difference to us. It is the real (hidden) meaning of the term "Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained


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Friday the Thirteenth

February 15th 2009 04:42
Friday the Thirteenth
Friday the Thirteenth, 2009
Let me preface this by saying that I never saw the original Friday the 13th. I know the story, and we were supposed to see it this week, but someone snaked it from our list, so that won't get viewed until later.

You know how I feel about slasher flicks. Until I understood their motivation, I couldn't get into them, but now that I do, I've started to really enjoy them. (This is a shock, mostly to me.) I read a few reviews from other folks on the web about their issues with this rebooting of the Jason mythology, and the ones that found it disappointing can bite my butt


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A Postponement

February 14th 2009 18:48
Because today is Valentine's Day (possibly the most evil day of the year, and yet still somehow appealing) and matinees are cheap, I'll be popping out to see another movie actually in the theatre. I'll be (hopefully) departing from my usual Saturday Boner format to bring you the review of this flick later on today.

Thanks for understanding, all you lucky chocolate-munching yoyos


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My Name Is Bruce

February 13th 2009 17:51
My Name Is Bruce
My Name Is Bruce, 2007
I like to believe that I am not a hard-core movie snob. I enjoy movies from all genres, from all sources, and I generally do not hold things like production value against a film unless it's obvious that the makers just weren't trying. This is probably why I think we own two copies of "If Chins Could Talk" - and I know one of them is autographed by the Man Himself. We love the cheesy, campy movies (as you'll recall from previous posts).

Even at that, going into a film knowing that someone was probably trying to make a bad movie (or at least ape a bad movie), and even knowing that the "someone" was Bruce Campbell himself, you have to be a little cautious. I got the story, I understood the motivation for making My Name Is Bruce, but I'm still left wondering what they were thinking in a moment-to-moment way. (Not in a "tragedy of the universe" kind of "what were they thinking" - just as a kind of mildly confused sort of... confusion


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That Thing You Do

February 12th 2009 17:26
That Thing You Do
That Thing You Do, 1996
Here's an oldie-but-goodie about the cruel yet practical world of commercial music production: That Thing You Do, written, directed and starred in by Tom Hanks, shows us that not every fairy tale comes true and that's not always a bad thing.

After all, "happily ever after" implies that there's an end to the story, and that's just not realistic


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The Family Stone

February 11th 2009 17:22
The Family Stone
The Family Stone, 2005
I first watched this film when I was taking a cross-country flight. The stewardess told me that it was a light-hearted comedy. When I was done watching it, I wanted to kick her in the goonies, but since airlines frown on that sort of thing since that whole 9/11 debacle, I satisfied myself with giving her scathing glares behind her back.

But not because I didn't like it


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The Last Mimzy

February 10th 2009 18:04
The Lasy Mimzy
The Last Mimzy, 2007
I'll share a little secret with you: over the course of the last few decades, I have developed something of an allergy to "kid movies". For the most part, limiting exposure to watching a film once, maybe twice a year helps keep the hives and uncontrollable itching to a minimum, but as soon as exposure goes over that limit, it's isolation and allergy meds for me, complete with a box of tissues and a cup of hot tea.

The Last Mimzy does not cause this reaction. I know, I watched it almost every day for a week. Not even a sniffle


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The Screwfly Solution

February 9th 2009 19:22
The Screwfly Solution
The Screwfly Solution, 2006
This was actually the first Masters of Horror film I saw. I'd read the original short story by James Triptree, Jr., several many years ago, and it affected me deeply. There have been many times that I have referred back to this tale throughout the years both as an example of gorgeous story-telling and as an illustration of certain types of self-destructive behavior for humanity as a whole.

The Screwfly Solution is the story of planetary vermin eradication, save that the "vermin" are humans. The title refers to an allegedly real experiment used in South America, I believe, to get rid of screwflies (a crop-decimating pest) by releasing a pheromone that fools the screwfly males into mating with the wrong end of females. In this film, a similar "trickery" takes place that confuses the male sexual attraction response with murderous aggressive action


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Sunday Classics: Tron

February 8th 2009 18:54
Tron
Tron, 1982
If you were one of the "cool kids" who got to see Tron when it first came out in theatres, you are definitely a geek, or maybe a nerd. You are also in a tiny minority because, if you'll recall, Tron was not an earth-moving box office smash hit. It was kind of ignored by movie-goers, but the related arcade video game was a smash hit - in fact, the arcade video game actually out-grossed the movie.

For all the statements that it's dated or technologically primitive, it was made with the most ground-breaking techniques up to that point. Modern audiences find it dull and unsophisticated, but that has more to do with being spoiled rotten by modern CGI. While I adore a good round of excellent special effects as much as the next guy, there's almost a point where I wonder if enough is enough: with such amazing effects, there isn't a lot left to the imagination


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Saturday Boners: The Avengers

February 7th 2009 18:04
The Avengers
The Avengers, 1998
Part of the key of successfully making a movie based on a classic television series or any other well-loved franchise is to understand what made the original story so compelling. Whoever decided that this script and these casting choices for the Avengers were a good idea should be hung up by their tender bits and flogged non-stop in shifts around the clock with some kind of nasty implement of torture. After all, fair's fair.

It was the husband's idea to subject us to this film. He's still in the doghouse


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Coraline

February 7th 2009 02:45
Coraline
Coraline, 2009

When Neil Gaiman's Coraline came out as a surprisingly thin novel in 2002, it was considered to be a children's story, even as dark as it was. In reality, most of Gaiman's novels can fall into this category, especially stories like the Graveyard Book and Stardust. The first rumor of a movie being made for Coraline were met with a lot of puzzlement, however: it didn't seem to have the imagery that a live-action movie would need, and it might have been a little short for most movie-goers.

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Black Sheep

February 6th 2009 18:11
Black Sheep
Black Sheep, 2007

SNEAK-PREVIEW UPDATE: You'll be getting another post from me this evening for the opening night of Coraline. Subscribe to the email updates to get a notice for every review and post!

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Iron Man

February 5th 2009 18:17
Iron Man
Iron Man, 2008

If you're getting the impression that I'm a comic book geek, you'd be right. I didn't really get into comics as a passion until I was in my early 20s, though, and that was because I had been exposed to some of the greatest tragedies of our time. Yes, I'm talking about things like the Captain America movie and the supreme cheesiness of television series like the Hulk and Wonder Woman. They were written in the 70s when things like maintaining the integrity of the source material just didn't seem to matter, and don't get me started on the production values...

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Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

February 4th 2009 18:32
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, 2004

Me and hard-core overly-wrought emotional cheese ball films totally do not get along. I start feeling my pancreas keeling over and my arteries hardening... it's just not a good scene. That's what I thought Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was. BOY HOWDY, but I was wrong.

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Superman Returns

February 3rd 2009 19:03
Superman Returns
Superman Returns, 2006

Again with the apprehension about remakes and sequels to classics, Superman Returns managed to turn the entire process on its ear. Where the original two movies in 1978 and 1980 headed by Richard Donner were in places almost painful to watch (yes, we prefer the Donner version of Superman II to the theatrical release with Richard Lester's name), Bryan Singer took the most perfect essence from these stories and brought it to a whole new level of incredible.

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Planet Terror

February 2nd 2009 18:05
Planet Terror
Planet Terror, 2007

Planet Terror was half of the Grindhouse installment, the other half being the already-reviewed Death Proof. As you may recall, I was not enamored with Death Proof in any way whatsoever. The same cannot be said about Planet Terror.

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Sunday Classics: Texas Chainsaw Massacre

February 1st 2009 18:16
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Texas Chainsaw Massacre, 1974

You may recall that I have something of an issue with Tobe Hooper. I've often wondered how he managed to become the iconic director that most people consider him, and the fact is, Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the culprit.

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